I suggest you listen to this music as you read this post:
So, Dynatox Ministries – run by the eminent Jordan Krall, who comes from New Jersey (the location of Jerseylicious, so you know he’s the balls and knows his shit) – is publishing APPARATUS OF CAPTURE, a super surreal and sexy story of mine, as an ultra rare limited edition chapbook. It’s super awesome and chock full of amazing writing that will make your brain spasm with joy and fear that something this superlative could ever come into existence. Dynatox Ministries is publishing some downright nasty weird fiction, and I am proud to be a part of the fantastic line they’re producing.
Now, I am no expert, but having watched the Sopranos I believe that 95% of all men in New Jersey are part of the Mafia. For an idea of the kind of man Krall is, watch this:
Also, having watched Jerseylicious as research before agreeing to a publishing deal with Krall, I have come to the conclusion that 75% of all women in New Jersey enjoy having big hair and OTT make-up. For an idea of the kind of smarts people from New Jersey have, watch this:
If this shit was a film, it would win the Best Picture Oscar. It’s that damn good. Bradley Pitts is the star. He’s super sexy and suits the book perfectly…
Only, Mr. T already bought all the copies of my book, and if you want yours, you’ll have to go through him… This is his message to all you people who want a slice of my shit:
In closing, you should buy my books because it’s cheaper than the Playstation 4, you can instantly share it with your friends, it’s an Oscar worthy story, the cover is sublime (artwork by Thom Harris) and the soundtrack is awesome Darkjazz.
You can get it for dirt cheap too, like $15 in the USA, and $20 worldwide. That’s right, this is global, baby. Just paypal the correct amount as a “personal gift” to Jordan Krall: gorshinary[at]juno[dot]com and you will receive a copy of the book really soon and then you won’t have to imagine anything ever again, I promise you I have made imagination obsolete with this book.
Also, if you’re into reading on your hi-tech gizmos, your iPhones and your Blackberries and all that, you can also video the book as you read it the first time and then watch the video of you reading it in the future to save you the trouble of carrying this massive tome around in your pocket all day. They don’t call me Rob “The Solution” Harris for nothing.