Egg On My Face
The giant chicken angel squatted gracefully and tensed as a crystal encrusted egg popped out. It clucked and bobbed its head side to side as it eyed the egg. It seemed satisfied and picked the egg up in its beak and walked towards me. I took the egg from its mouth and put it in the eggcup I had thoughtfully brought along with me. I tapped the top with a spoon and sliced it off with a knife. A succulent golden yolk glistened in the morning light and I poked a buttered soldier into its moist belly. It tasted divine and I congratulated the bird on an excellent production. It seemed pleased by my response and took off towards the Cool Hitler-Sun* (who’s performance in this piece is regarded critic wide as “stellar”), spreading its angel wings wider than I imagined.
The giant chicken demon strutted up next. It spat on the angel egg and kicked the table away from in front of me, sending me sprawling backwards and getting egg yolk over my crisp dinner jacket, it looked like golden medals hanging from my chest. It proceeded to hunker down over me and let a discharge of spoiled scrambled egg coat me; it looked more like chilli con carne made of rancid chicken giblets and smelled the same. It spun around, and glared at me with such evil in its eyes, I could do nothing but award it first prize.
I saw the giant chicken angel a few weeks later, its beady red eyes met my own for a moment but it quickly glanced away. I felt just terrible for what I had done and resigned post-haste from my position as chief of judges for the Devon Area Poultry Egg Laying Championship Award Committee.
*HIDDEN EASTER EGG!!! : mouse over image for a short statement on the reincarnation of the 20th century German fascist leader as the Sun!